I prayed and followed a few of my peaceful nighttime rituals! Worked for most of the night. "He" came again in my dream like PTSD. But it was short and I "got out" faster last night.
I often wonder how others deal with this inconvenience...that is what it is ...an inconvenience in my life that can screw up my day...unless I work extremely hard to not let it. The Blog is helping ...it is good for me!!! LQTM(laughing quietly to myself)! I was really thinking about the inability to breathe at times...in my sleep. The "man " was like a big teen-ager bully instead of a father 90% of the time. I understand so much more now. One theory is when a person begins drinking alcohol they stop maturing emotionally. My dad was 14 when he began drinking alcohol on a regular basis. Worked outside a bar...shining shoes, selling papers, extent. He got his older friends and stupid adults to get him liquor.
So going swimming with a emotionally delayed father...as he drank beer and liquor at the lake lead to terror for me from the age of about 3. I was a very good little swimmer, as was my super hero brother. But "man" would catch me. First start playing then he would begin holding me under the water until I truly thought I was going to die.
I really don't know if my mom didn't know how bad it was ( my tears over the years and begging him to stay far away from me should have been a big clue), anyway, when he would finally let me up I would beg and cry. Mom would say "Man" don't do that but she never physically got up off the shore to stop him. I would get out of the water, go sit alone & cry quietly. Then he would promise to never do it again and for some stupid kid thinking I believed him. It happened for years. About the age of ten I swam far from him and all trust in the water was gone!
So...this long story may be part of where the lack of breathing issues happen to me
in the dark.
Embrace yourself. Be thankful for all life and may you all sleep like happy babies tonight!!!
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